The Batchman Family's Journey: From Heartache to Hope

In a world where dreams sometimes feel distant, Casey and Michael found themselves navigating a path they hadn't initially envisioned—one that led them to their beautiful daughter, Natalee, through the open adoption program at Catholic Charities of Southwest Kansas.

The Batchmans, married in 2017, embarked on their family journey with hope and anticipation. Yet, as Casey shared, "We spent the next few years going to different specialists and trying to figure out what our cause of infertility was... It was not the funnest journey." The emotional and financial toll of infertility was significant, leading them to consider adoption, although it was not initially at the forefront of their plans.

Their journey took a pivotal turn in January 2023 when a family friend unexpectedly reached out, suggesting adoption, a sign Casey and Michael took to mean, "this is your next step." Recalling this moment, Casey noted, "That was our sign that we needed to explore this and go down that road." This decision led them to Catholic Charities, where they were welcomed by adoption social worker Lori Titsworth, who Casey described as making them "feel like we were part of a family."

The path to adoption was not without its challenges. Casey reflected on the difficulty of creating their adoption profile, feeling like "average Joes" with so much to offer but unsure how to convey that on paper. Yet, through it all, they found support and camaraderie in their community and fellow prospective adoptive parents. "We thoroughly enjoyed meeting the other couples... because it made us feel like we were not alone," Casey shared.

Meeting Natalee's birth parents, Tia and Josh, was a significant step in their journey. Casey recalled feeling "nervous" but ultimately forming a connection, symbolized by her instinct to hug Tia, which "broke the ice." The strength and resolve of Tia were evident, and Casey expressed deep respect for her courage and the open relationship they have cultivated.

When the moment finally came to meet Natalee, Casey described it as being "paralyzed in love," with everything else in the world fading away. Michael echoed this sentiment, saying, "It was an instant bond. I fell in love instantly." The Batchmans cherished their private time with Natalee before sharing the joyous news with family, creating a surprise that was "the greatest."

Casey and Michael's story is a testament to the transformative power of open adoption, a journey filled with uncertainty, hope, and ultimately, profound joy. Their experience with Catholic Charities provided them the guidance, support, and compassion needed to navigate this path. "It's scary," Casey admitted, "but we knew that God brought us there for a reason."

For those contemplating adoption, Casey offers heartfelt advice: "Just going and talking to Lori or to a caseworker, even if you're scared... helps a lot because they truly care." Their journey underscores the importance of faith and community, and the assurance that love, in its many forms, can build a family.

As they look to the future, Casey and Michael are committed to giving Natalee a good childhood, filled with love, support, and understanding of her adoption story. They hope to maintain a healthy relationship with Tia and Josh, acknowledging, as Lori noted, that "it's a fluid relationship that's going to change over time."

The Batchmans' journey is not just a celebration of Natalee's arrival but an invitation for others to explore open adoption as a path to family. For those facing infertility, Casey's story is a beacon of hope, illustrating that even in the valleys, there can be a clear path forward, guided by love and faith.  

Couple Filled with Hope and Prayer as They Begin the Adoption Search

By Dave Myers
Southwest Kansas Catholic

It is a story born 21 years ago, when a little girl in Ulysses was eagerly awaiting the arrival of her aunt's adopted baby boy.

Over the years, Kayla Hensley's new cousin, Bryce, would become like a brother to her, and Kayla never forgot that it was through Catholic Charities that her aunt and uncle had adopted her cousin and friend (who is now studying architecture at K-State).

More than two decades later, that same little girl who waited excitedly for her new cousin, is eagerly and patiently (and sometimes not so patiently!) awaiting, with hope and prayer, the arrival of her own adopted child.

Like her aunt and uncle, she and her husband, Mike, chose Catholic Charities -- this time through Southwest Kansas -- to aid in the adoption process. The couple recently completed the initial stages in the adoption process, in which they learned just how involved Catholic Charities would be throughout their experience, supporting them all along the journey.

They also learned about “open adoption,” a method utilized by Catholic Charities which allows the birth parents, if they choose, to be a part of the child’s life after adoption. It not only removes much of the anxiety from the birth parent, but allows the child to grow up without the mystery of wondering about their birth parent or parents.

"We have a bunch of mutual friends who have adopted, working through Catholic Charities,” Kayla said. “We went through all the avenues, and found that Catholic Charities of Southwest Kansas offered the best support for us."

For Kayla and Mike Hensley, that monumental day of adoption has not yet happened, but that doesn't stop the couple from anticipating and preparing for the big day.

"I think our main thing is that we always want to do things together as a family," Kayla said. "Growing up, my mom, dad, sister, and myself spent a lot of time together. Everything was about family. We would run errands together, tag along with my dad to the lumber yard, and take family vacations. My dad taught me how to build things and use power tools and my mom taught me how to sew, bake and cook.

“In the fall my grandparents would come to visit and we would pick corn and spend a day putting it in the freezer for the winter. My family always did everything together. I didn't have a TV in my room; if we watched TV, we did it together.

"Especially now, we realize how special that was."

Mike’s upbringing was much the same.

“I was born in Phoenix, Arizona, and lived there until I was seven years old,” Mike said. “My family faced tragedy when our house burnt completely down when I was six years old. We lost everything and that was when my family decided to move to Kansas. This was just one of several times that forced our family to rally around each other. …

“I had a great childhood that was filled with love and fun. We were always outside playing on the trampoline, swimming or finding something to do together. When we weren't outside, we spent time together playing board games and watching movies. My favorite memory is going to drive-in movies when we lived in Arizona.”

Mike and Kayla both plan to bring this sense of family unity – and family fun – to their role as parents.

Mike and Kayla reside in Phillipsburg, directly north of Hays and not far from the Nebraska border, where they attend Sts. Philip and James Parish. The couple relocated to Phillipsburg from Larned a year ago to be closer to Kayla's parents.

Both are teachers, Kayla teaching kindergarten and coaching high school cheerleading, while Mike teaches fifth-grade English, fifth, sixth and seventh-grade social studies, and fifth and sixth-grade physical education. He also coaches football, basketball, track, and the scholar's bowl.

If that's not enough to convince you of the couples’ love for sports, their dog's name is ESPN (pronounced Espin). Their cat's name is "Niner," which may give you a clue about the couple's favorite football team.

When asked what they look forward to most about being a parent, Kayla thought for a moment and responded, "I think ... everything! Nurturing a child and teaching them how the world works; comforting them when they're hurt. Just having someone to love and nurture."

“I look most forward to seeing our child smile and laugh because I want to do everything I can to make them happy,” Mike added.

When asked for their role models, Kayla responded, "My parents. They have always loved each other through hard times – and have loved us. I can look back and say, Wow, they did a really good job."

“My parents have been role models in my life because they have been through so much, but they continue to look at life in a positive way,” Mike said. “Another role model for me has been AB Stokes. He is such a motivational leader and I really gravitated into that. Having the opportunity to work with him has greatly impacted my life.” [AB Stokes was head football and track coach and wrestling assistant at Larned for six years (2012-17) He currently serves as the head football coach at Bethel College in North Newton.]

For more information about Kayla and Mike, click here to see their profile. 

Click here for general information about the Catholic Charities of SW Kansas adoption program.

A Living Lottery: Unborn Child Offered Home, Family

By Dave Myers, Southwest Kansas Catholic

It was a heavy-hearted day to be sure -- the day after the Value Them Both amendment failed to pass -- but perhaps not more-so than for a young couple from Andover and a multitude like them.

The couple has been hoping and praying to adopt a child through the Catholic Charities of Southwest Kansas adoption program.

As August 2 approached, Louis and Amy allowed themselves hope that the passage of the amendment would result in an increased chance of them achieving their dream of adopting a child.

Instead of the couple seeing their chances of raising a child increase, Kansas remains a go-to state for those seeking to abort their unborn child.

Amy and Louis attend Church of the Magdalen in Wichita. The Catholic Diocese of Wichita no longer offers adoption services, so the couple, wanting to adopt through a Catholic agency, approached Catholic Charities of SW Kansas, where they met adoption social worker Lori Titsworth.

"I felt very comfortable with Lori," Amy said. "We were trying to understand what this process could look like for us. As Catholics, we really wanted to work with a religious organization. I personally feel like we hit it off so well with Lori."

"She's been great," Louis added. "She's honest about the process; doesn't sugar-coat things. She is up-front so there are no surprises."

One of those subjects that can't be sugar-coated is the expense. Adopting is not for the half-hearted. Costs can rise into the low five figures. Parents must be committed emotionally, and financially.

"People will vote for government-funded abortion," Louis said of the previous day's voting, "meanwhile it costs an arm and a leg to adopt a child."

They also had to be prepared for the open-adoption system. This allows the birth-parents the option to continue a relationship with both the child and the adoptive parents after the child is adopted.

"It was pretty intimidating at first," Amy said. "We didn't know much about it. Then we saw how successful it can be compared to closed adoption. It seems like a much better option for everyone."

"The hardest part of adoption is the unanswered questions," Louis said. With the open adoption system, "there are no mysteries". Children don't have an unanswered desire seek out their birth parents, and birth parents aren't left to wonder about the child to which they gave birth.

The couple, who have been married for eight years, met at Benedictine college during Amy's sophomore and Louis's junior years. Amy was reared in the far western Colorado mountain town of Fruita, while Louis grew up in a small, rural town in northwest Iowa called Remsen.

His early life is something he'd like to see reflected in that of his child. Louis would often ride his bike across town, a fishing rod perched on his handle bars as he headed for the lake. Remsen was like Mayberry, he said.

"Every summer we'd go on camping trips all over the U.S.," Louis explained. "We never had video games or cell phones. I fully intend on helping our children enjoy the outdoors and gain an appreciation of God's creations."

Amy had a similar upbringing. Although a larger community, Fruita is nestled in a valley surrounded by the Rocky Mountains, allowing for hiking, fishing and enjoying the outdoors. When not celebrating God's creations outside, her parents were busy teaching valuable skills, such as cooking and baking. Amy so enjoyed this time; she didn't realize she was learning skills that would benefit her future family.

"The challenge of raising someone in the world today is a big challenge to look forward to," Louis said, "to instill your belief in a child and bring them up right. It's a person to share everything with."

"We've been so lucky to be blessed with what we have," Amy added. “We’re really excited to be able to share these blessings with a child.”

For more information about the Catholic Charities of SW Kansas adoption program, contact Lori Titsworth.

Click here to see Louis and Amy's Profile.

‘We wanted you; we prayed for you!’

Giving Hope to Families

This past weekend, my co-worker's spouse posted a picture of their beautiful tiny new granddaughter with the caption: "Such an amazing gift from God."

What a perfect sentiment to capture the essence of our celebration of National Adoption Awareness this month! Here at the intersection between couples who are not able to conceive and birth parents who want their baby to have more than they can provide lies this amazing gift from God!

And too, here at the intersection of National Adoption Month and Giving Tuesday, which we also celebrate this month, lies this amazing gift of hope from God!

The Growth of National Adoption Month

The first major National Adoption Week was announced by then-Governor Mike Dukakis in 1976. President Gerald Ford made National Adoption Week a national event. By 1998, the week had become so widely recognized and celebrated that seven days wasn't enough; President Bill Clinton extended the weeklong event into National Adoption Month, which is what we celebrate today.

Is it any wonder that this celebration has grown so much? For those whose lives are touched by adoption, the impact of this event is monumental, indeed life-changing!

Adoption at Catholic Charities

The celebration of National Adoption Week is a big deal for us at Catholic Charities, too. From our very first days as a licensed child-placing agency in Kansas, infant adoption has been one of our core services. Since 1964, we have helped to facilitate over 700 adoptions! Click here to read about some of our newest adoptive families.

Additionally, we have provided adoptive family education, post-placement visits, supervised visitation, search and reunion services, private and contract home studies, foster care, and we work to ensure the release of unaccompanied minors into safe homes. In all of these situations, our primary concern is for the safety and well-being of this amazing gift from God! But we also understand that adoption is a lifelong process and an intergenerational journey. We are here to help serve all members of the adoption triad – adoptees, birth parents and siblings, and adoptive families – by providing comprehensive information and ongoing emotional support.

How to Help

In addition to acknowledging and celebrating those whose lives have been touched by adoption, we also recognize those who are still longing to start their own family through adoption. We currently have six couples who are ready and waiting. One of the most helpful things you can do to participate in National Adoption Awareness Month is to read and share one or more of our adoption couple profiles. We often say that the match between a birth mother and an adoptive couple is "a God thing." Sharing an adoption couple profile with friends who may know someone, who knows someone else, who knows a potential birth mother provides more opportunities for God to do the necessary match-making between a birth mother and an adoptive couple in need.

Another way to celebrate Adoption Awareness Month and this amazing gift from God is to make a Giving Tuesday Donation in the name of a person whose life has been touched by adoption. Catholic Charities is a non-profit agency and as such, we are able to keep costs as low as possible. As a non-profit agency, however, we still need funds to serve those in need. We've made it super easy to make a Giving Tuesday donation this year and there are even ways to double your gift! Click here to learn more.

New Mom Reflects on Her Journey as an Adoptive Parent

By Charell Owings

For some reason, 18 months is hitting me harder than 1 year did.

18 months ago today, we didn’t know for sure if we would be welcoming two boys into our home and family, or if we would be reeling from a decision the other way. We didn’t know if we needed to buy clothes, bottles, cribs, car seats, formula, etc. We didn’t know if we would go from sleeping 7-8 hours a night to far fewer than that. We were teetering on a ledge of being hopeful, but not getting our hopes up. Our future was in someone else’s hands, and we had to let that control go. It was not our decision to make, but hers. We knew that if she decided to keep her babies, we were bowing out and exiting the adoption process and would live a child-free life, letting go of the hope completely so that we could move on. Nine years of trying. Two miscarriages. All of that was coming down to one week and one decision.

Then we got the text of her scheduled c-section. We went ahead and bought car seats, a few sets of clothes, and one package of bottles. All of it could be returned. That was still on our minds, but we knew we should get the basics.

*Side note...the Chiefs lose on Sunday Night in the AFC Championship game.

Monday morning we go to the hospital to meet with the boys’ mom. She is so strong. She asks if we have picked out names for the boys. We tell her that we have, Declan James and Dayton Colby. She gives us this look and says “ I was going to ask if you would use the name James”. There were, and still are, no words to describe that moment.

The hospital set us up just down the hall in our own room while we waited. A few hours later, they brought Dayton in, and shortly after, Declan. Though they were in our arms, there was still a part of us that knew it could change. Later that day though, after meeting with her attorney, we had at least our initial paperwork that we would be able to take the boys home with us while we awaited finalization. During our time in the hospital, we were able to spend some time with their mom and she was able to spend some time with the boys. We got pictures and talked about the future. Her strength, generosity, and love were beyond measure. She was making the biggest sacrifice. Putting herself second, and her children first. She was putting her trust in us. That trust is on us daily and we know that we have to live up to her and try to be all that she is.

Four days later, we drove home and were welcomed by a sea of boxes in our living room. We had been doing some online shopping and my mom had been very helpful in retrieving boxes and getting them in the house while we were gone. We set up some cribs, met with our adoption social worker, figured out our work schedules and our childcare situation (thank you mom/grandma!) worked with our attorney on finalizing paperwork and set the date to officially adopt the boys...in addition to figuring out the best way to care for two infants at the same time.

It has been a whirlwind. We have to force ourselves sometimes to stop and take it in. We are so incredibly lucky to be where we are today. There are days that are hard, that test our patience, that make us wonder “what were we thinking?”. But then one of them laughs or comes to us for a hug and we know it was right. We know what we have and we remember how lucky we really are. We went from the brink of never being able to have children to having two. I went from depression to overwhelmed to overjoyed to overtired and made it out the other side. It has taken me 18 months to put all this into words, but as the day approaches, I become more and more reflective on how we got here. I want them to know how wanted they were and how loved they are. Not just by us, but by our family and friends, and most of all by the mom who chose adoption. Our lives are forever changed and we are forever grateful to her.

Building and Nurturing Families

A retrospective and call for renewal in adoption services

By Deborah J. Snapp, Executive Director, Catholic Charities of Southwest Kansas

As a young social worker many years ago, how startling it was to learn that my husband and I were infertile as a couple. We plunged into the teaching of the Church and the culture of the time to learn how we could build a family. While there were medical options such as in vitro fertilization, sperm donation and surrogacy, we learned that many of these were contrary to Church teaching as well as intuitively unappealing to us.

We turned to Catholic Charities for assistance with adoption, something that we knew little about and had very limited experience with in our extended families. At the time, open adoption was a new concept and the culture of adoption remained closed and secretive, as it had been historically. To keep these secrets, many clergy and religious had been involved in building families through adoption over the decades. We are all familiar with stories of frightened and shamed birth families leading to placements made by the well-intentioned but not necessarily the best-educated workers.

The supply of children exceeded the capacity of families available, leading to the notion that the adoptive families held the high ground of virtue in accepting children into their homes. But adoptive families received little to no training in what to expect with an adopted child and were unprepared for the inevitable mixture of emotions and signals which the children would face as they grew. The taking and placing of the children seemed transactional in nature and not formed in the teaching of the Church but focused on someone else’s judgment on how to best solve a problem. 

We know from the social doctrine of the Church that the family is the first natural society and the primary place of humanization for the person and society at large. Indeed, the family is the cradle of life and love. With this as a foundational focus, the best interests of the child begin to emerge as an overriding imperative. The Church’s social doctrine constantly points out the need to respect the dignity of children. Social workers are taught a similar concept in their secular curriculum, but in the absence of a faith-based perspective, the best interests of the child tend to be connected to financial or material advantages. 

The adoption practices of Catholic Charities agencies were among the first to change in recognizing the importance and value of each member of the adoption “triad,” including birth parents, adoptive parents and adoptees. Each member of the triad deserves the attention and understanding of the adoption workers in seeking the humanization of the child in a cradle of life and love. 

Under this new awareness of Catholic Charities, birth mothers and fathers were respected, coached, mentored and supported, regardless of their decision to place or parent. Adoptive couples were educated to understand the complexities of parenthood, and most particularly parentage through adoption. Children grew without a secret history and were given the dignity to know more about themselves. They were able to recognize that while their families were formed differently, they were richer in many ways because they had extra people in their lives to love them!

Currently, as the supply of children available for adoption is limited, the old transactional adoption practices have returned and flourished, particularly outside the Catholic Charities agency world. Families are told that their ability to adopt and the speed of success depend on their budget. While private adoption practitioners, whether attorneys or non-faith-based agencies, may say that they consider the needs and protect the “rights” of birth parents, the bottom line remains payment for services rendered. When the legalization takes place, services to birth parents, adoptive parents and children cease. 

The social doctrine of the Church regards the family as a divine institution that stands as the foundation of life for each member. When adoptive families are trained and formed in this belief and birth parents are counseled towards this realization, the adoption is more likely to meet this aspiration.

We were chosen as a couple for two boys all those years ago. Our boys have differing relationships with their birth families but neither boy suffered from the idea that his past was shameful or should be kept a secret. They know that their birth mother chose us, and money was not the motivation. 

As a longtime agency director and as an adoptive parent, I firmly believe that now is not the time, nor will there ever be a time, to abandon the building of families through adoption by the Catholic Charities network. 

The marketplace has made it difficult for birth parents to find their way to faith-based agencies, and the power of money will always drive human practices, even, regrettably, social work practices. 

Catholic Charities must stay engaged as an adoption model, and we must reflect the social doctrine of the Church as we help form families. We can embrace the teaching that a family is a divine institution, and not only the completed family but all the individuals involved in the process who act out of love for the children and the children themselves. 

Who can do this better than we?

Editor's Note: This article first appeared in Charities USA: The Magazine of Catholic Charities USA, Spring 2020, pg 28-30. 

All Aboard for Your Adoption Journey!

Couples who want to learn more about infant adoption are invited to attend an orientation called All Aboard for Your Adoption Journey on Friday, September 13th from 1 to 3 pm at the Newman University Western Kansas Center at 236 San Jose, Dodge City KS. 

All Aboard for Your Adoption Journey is the first part of three on-going workshops and it presents a road map for the adoption process, expenses, requirements and more. "Couples can enter our adoption program at any time throughout the year," said Lori Titsworth, Adoption Social Worker. "But this workshop is an excellent opportunity for couples who haven't decided, yet, and who just want a safe place to ask questions before they decide to start the process." There is no cost to attend and couples can work at their own pace throughout the process.

Catholic Charities has provided adoption services since 1965. As a licensed child-placing agency in the state of Kansas, Catholic Charities provides comprehensive preparation, placement and post-placement support for all members of the adoption triad---birth parents, adoptive parents and adoptees.

Click here for more information, or contact Lori Titsworth here.

Finding Family

Meade couple celebrate life while awaiting (a bundle of) joy

By Dave Myers
Southwest Kansas Catholic

When you meet Tyler and Rachel Bennett, there are two things you will discover right off: 1) they have a warm and welcoming spirit, and 2) they love cheese. 

On their kitchen table sat a platter filled with crackers, salami, and three kinds of cheese. There was also a platter of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies and two pitchers, one with water, the other, tea. 

“Are you hungry? Help yourself!” Tyler said. 

The Catholic gratefully helped itself. The Catholic loves chocolate chip cookies and cheese and crackers!

The gracious young couple are another in a line of fine, Kansas couples who are awaiting good news from the Catholic Charities of Southwest Kansas Adoption Program. 

“We had a neighbor who had success adopting through Catholic Charities,” Tyler said. “There’s a need [for guidance in the adoption process]. People don’t realize what goes into it — the study, the patience.”

“He’s still working on that last one,” Rachel said with a grin. 

In July, the couple will have been married five years, a date which also marks one year since they officially became eligible to adopt. 

Unlike many small-town Kansas couples, Rachel and Tyler didn’t grow up in the same community or attend the same school. In fact, he was reared in Texas, and she in Nebraska; the road that led to their eventual introduction in Copeland, Kansas was filled with twists and turns that could only have been navigated by a Loving Lord bent on seeing these two together.  

“I was a track coach and teacher in Copeland,” said Rachel, who today is a high school teacher in Kismet. Tyler, an athletic trainer, works with student-athletes and physical therapy patients. They both have earned Master’s Degrees in their various studies. 

One day, duty took Tyler to Copeland Junior High School, where he met the woman who would redefine his future. They were married on July 20, 2013. 

“It’s been a learning process,” Tyler said of their year-long adoption journey.

“Learning and growing,” Rachel added.

“A lot of people give up after two weeks,” Tyler explained, referring to the patience needed in the adoption process. “It will happen in God’s time.” 

The Catholic Charities of Southwest Kansas Adoption Program requires each couple to pass a stringent application process that includes classes, home visits, and meeting with counselors. And it’s not cheap (although far less expensive than other adoption programs). The process is designed to ensure the child is brought into a good home. 

Obviously, there are many legalities involved, especially when considering that Catholic Charities uses the Open Adoption system, which allows the birth parent(s) to continue to be part of the child’s life. 

“Catholic Charities makes sure it’s all by the book,” Rachel said. “Once the child is ours, we maintain complete parental control.” In other words, they will decide how and in what capacity the birth parent is involved.  

“It’s beneficial for the child,” Tyler said. “For example, if the birth family has a history of diabetes or heart issues, we would have no idea without open adoption.” 

Both Rachel and Tyler were reared surrounded by extended family, and both are fully intent upon bringing those values into the life of their future child.  

“When I was young,” Rachel said, “we took yearly trips to Colorado Springs, got together with extended family at either of my grandparents’ farms, went on day trips to shop or visit zoos and museums, or just hung out at the pool.”  

“That’s one of the reasons why we get along,” Tyler added. “Family is huge to us.”

The child who is lucky enough to enter into the Bennett home will be introduced to the couple’s loves: the joy of cooking and baking, the peaceful rewards of gardening, love for hunting (complete with four retrievers barking excitedly from behind a closed door during the Catholic’s visit), and a yen for home construction projects. Oh — and cheese.

And they will find a couple practicing a prayerful life devoted to the Loving Lord, a backdrop to everything they do. 

For more information, call 620-227-1590 or click here. See their video/slideshow presentation by clicking here.

Congratulations Ross and Tracy!

"Hello World!" Ross and Tracy wrote on their Facebook Page in June. "We're excited for you to meet Layton Anthony, born May 25, 2018, weighing 9 lbs 7 oz. We were very blessed to be there at his birth. He's been such a blessing to us already!!

"He has the most amazing birth mother, who he will know and idolize for her courageous actions that speak far louder than any words. We are eternally grateful for her selfless decision that allows us to be called Mom and Dad!"

Ross and Tracy started working their way through the Catholic Charities Infant Adoption Program over a year ago in February 2017. After numerous forms, interviews, and classes to help prepare them for infant adoption, Ross and Tracy posted their profile about themselves in June for potential birthmothers to consider. Since then, they have waited, prayed and promoted themselves with the hope of connecting with a birthmother who would pick them to be the parents of her child---a child she would determine that she could not raise.

After many months of waiting, Ross and Tracy met Layton's birthmother this past April. They continued to meet and visit over the next few weeks in order to get to know each other and to make sure their decision was a good fit.

As Ross, Tracy and Layton bond together as a forever family, it is fun to take a look back at their journey, not only through their online profile but also through the eyes and words of Dave Myers who wrote about them for the Southwest Kansas Catholic in February . . . . 

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A Christmas Wish: To offer heart and home to an adoptive child

By DAVE MYERS
     Southwest Kansas Catholic

Step into the Garden City home of Joe and Laci Salazar and it’s easy to envision a child romping around their living room, excited little pooches Daizey and Moto delighting the toddler into squeals of giggles, two loving parents ready and eager to scoop up the child into their arms.

Joe and Laci represent the quintessential American story: A son and a granddaughter of immigrants, both natives of Garden City, Kansas, meeting only after they had attended school together, falling in love, getting married, finding success in their professions—all amid an endearing faith in their loving Lord.

The picture is replete with extended family stretching for miles and for years, including a 92-year-old grandmother—a history text filled with stories of her life, ever eager to share.

What’s missing from the picture is that one little child.

But with the help of Catholic Charities of Southwest Kansas Open Adoption Program, as well as a Wichita Christian adoption program called “St. Nick,” the couple hope to give a loving home to a newborn child … by Christmas? A Christmas miracle, to be sure......

Read more ...

November is Adoption Awareness Month

By Lori Titsworth, Adoption Social Worker for Catholic Charities of Southwest Kansas

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Most people have little reason to think about the subject of adoption.  However, for those facing an unplanned pregnancy, or couples who are unable to conceive or maintain pregnancy, or an adoptee longing to find his or her birth parent, the topic is always in the back of their mind.

I had always dreamed of being a mother, but after several years of trying to conceive and each and every time being heart-broken, my husband and I came to the realization we were going to have to try another avenue to be parents....  

Read more ...

Open Adoption

Replacing anonymity with empowerment

by Dave Meyers
Southwest Kansas Catholic

Brianna was sweet 16 when Roberto “Beto” Morales walked into Burger King and into her life.

Seventeen years later, the couple, who will be married 10 years in December, held their infant child—their first—whom they adopted through the Catholic Charities of Southwest Kansas Infant Adoption Program.

“This is Julian,” Brianna said as she cuddled the 8-week-old child. After a time she handed the child to her husband, Beto, next to her on the couch . . . .

Read more ...

The 2018-2019 Adoption Education Schedule is Available Now

Does your heart ache to start a family? If so, you are not alone, and there are birthmothers who are looking for couples like you who can give their infant child a better life than they can provide. The Catholic Charities Infant Adoption Series is an on-going year-around program that allows couples to enter and proceed at their own pace, at any time throughout the year. To help you plan, we have just published the 2018-19 orientation and class schedule! If you, or someone you know is struggling with infertility and would like to learn more about growing your family through infant adoption, please invite them to contact Lori Titsworth at 620-792-1393, or by email at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..

Click here to view the 2018-19 infant adoption education schedule.

How Do We Know if We are Ready to Adopt a Baby?

Adoption is a beautiful and loving expression of how God hand-picks and unites families together. Taking the first step on your adoption journey, however, isn't easy! It's likely that you've already wrestled with untold struggles and emotions about starting your family. Once you start to consider infant adoption, how do you know if you and your spouse are ready? When should you make that first call? Here are some things to consider:

• Your marriage is strong and you have similar ideas about how to raise children and have learned to compromise and communicate.
• You are not embarrassed because you are not able to have biological children or by others reactions to you wanting to adopt children.
• You do not want to adopt because you have marriage problems or because your life is empty. Only if your life is full and your marriage is stable will you have something to give to a child or to children.
• You both have a good sense of humor and like yourselves and each other.
• You have "gone public" with your plan for adoption and are comfortable with that.
• You have your friends' and family's support with your decision to adopt.
• You have read about adoption options and have decided which is best for you.
• You have fantasized about becoming a parent for the first time or, again, if you already have children.
• You are both "ready" to adopt and for all of the changes that go along with that.
• You have discussed your expectations from a child in your home and each other's expectations.
• You have discussed what it would require to parent a child that may be an infant, toddler, teenager, and then into adulthood. Adoption is a lifelong commitment.
• You have discussed the cost involved with adoption and raising a child.
• You have discussed taking time off with your employer(s) to bond with your new child or children.
• You have checked into your health insurance coverage to see if an adopted child will be covered and how soon they can be added on.
• You have checked into daycare availability and expense, if needed.
• You have discussed the lifestyle changes that will occur and are willing to make them to accommodate a child or children.
• Your most important sign is that you are both willing to give a child or children your unconditional love for a lifetime. You must be totally committed to them no matter what may come. All children deserve a family!

These signs of readiness are important for you and your spouse to be considering but please don't feel that you have to have everything lined up and arranged before you come and visit us! Catholic Charities is hosting an Adoption Orientation on Friday, July 22nd from 2 to 4 pm at the Newman University Cafe, 236 San Jose Suite 39, Dodge City, KS. There is no cost to attend and if you have even begun to toy with the idea of infant adoption, this is a great opportunity for you to come, connect with others who are considering the same idea, and find out more! For more information, contact Lori Titsworth at 620-792-1393, or Amy Falcon at 620-227-1590.

Intercountry Adoption

A MESSAGE FOR PROSPECTIVE ADOPTIVE PARENTS

Adoption is a wonderful way for many orphaned children to find a loving, permanent home. Orphans in both the United States and in countries across the globe deserve families who will love and provide for them. I am proud that Americans respond to this need internationally. Each year our nation welcomes more children into homes through intercountry adoption than any other nation.

The process of adopting a child from another country can be difficult. The regulations and requirements for adopting may seem confusing—and sometimes frustrating. My hope is that we can provide you some answers about these requirements. Through this booklet, learn about key adoption concepts and the basics of adopting. I also encourage you to visit our website adoption.state.gov. If you are considering adopting, know that if you proceed, you will forever change your life and the life of a child. I applaud the commitment that you are considering. Should you decide to adopt internationally, we are here to help.

Excerpt taken from Intercountry Adoption from A to Z

For the full article, please follow the link below:

http://adoption.state.gov/pdf/Intercountry%20Adoption%20From%20A-Z.pdf

To submit comments regarding intercountry adoption please follow the link below:

http://catholicsocialservice.org/forum/index.php?f=3&t=30&rb_v=viewtopic

An Adoption Love Story

Ed. Note: Adoption is a wonderful gift. Though sometimes portrayed in negative ways by the media, most experiences of adoption are beautiful love stories—such as the one Jenny* shares below.

My husband Bill and I have been married for six years. Having children and raising a family had always been our expectation. By the time we were married, most of our siblings and friends already had children, so of course we were excited and ready to be parents ourselves. We soon learned, however, that having children of our own might not be so easy.

We made a few trips to multiple cities to be treated by wonderful doctors who have helped so many couples conceive, but everything we tried was unsuccessful. We felt so hopeless at times. Words can't even explain this experience of loss.

Fortunately, our marriage only grew stronger, because we were there for each other and continued to rely on God. This didn't always come easily, but it helped that Bill has a great sense of humor, and we were able to laugh at some of the crazy situations and conversations that come with infertility.

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Waiting to Adopt: Meet Paul and Sarah

About 7 years ago when we first met, I was living in Boise, Idaho, and Paul was living in Hugoton.  We became friends and talked on the phone, emailed, and got to know each other.  We started dating after I moved back to Kansas to finish my teaching degree, and we dated for about 3 years.

We were married June 5, 2010.  We had a large wedding party and an even larger wedding reception...over 500 friends/family members celebrated with us!  We are so lucky to have such amazing friends and family.

We recently bought a new house in a quiet neighborhood and we've been working hard on painting and redecorating

We have been married now for 4 years and have been trying to have biological children for over 3 years.  Although we have been able to get pregnant (with the help of fertility treatments), all of the pregnancies have ended in miscarriage.  We believe that our struggles with infertility will make us treasure, even more, the children we adopt.

Paul and I both have large families.  Most of my family lives in Hugoton, including 5 of our 11 nieces and nephews!  One of my brothers and his family live in Virginia.

Paul's mom lives in Newfoundland, Canada.  His dad, step-mom, and younger sister live in Salina, KS.  His older brother and his family live in Wichita, KS.

We have two dogs, Bruce and Josie. They couldn't have any more opposite personalities, but they are very much a part of our family!

We love to spend time together, and our favorite things to do together are travel, hang out with friends, and cheer for the Denver Broncos!

Our Promise

We promise to love your child unconditionally.  We promise that your child will always know that the adoption plan you made for them was done entirely out of love and a commitment to give them a better future.  We promise you will always be spoken of with great respect, admiration, and love.  We promise to love and raise your child in a way that will make you proud of the decision you made.  We promise that you will forever be a part of your child's life.

We are so blessed to be surrounded by a huge circle of loving friends and family.  Your child will be surrounded by many people who will love, support, and encourage her/him throughout their whole life.

Thanks for taking the time to get to know us.  We pray that you find peace in any decision you make regarding your child.

Paul & Sarah

Adoption Search and Reunion: Reuniting Families

Recently, I had the opportunity to help Dora,* an adoptee, locate her birthmother, Nancy,* through Catholic Social Service Search and Reunion Program.  Initially, the search was spurred on by the Dora’s health problems and her desire for more medical information.  Dora related that she had inquired about searching several years prior but “chickened out.”  However, the seriousness of the recent diagnosis made it imperative that she complete her search.  

Dora was very nervous during our conversation and stated several times, she didn't want to disrupt her biological mother’s life and was fearful of the response I may receive after contacting her birthmother. After researching Dora’s family files, I was pretty confident I had located her birthmother, Nancy. The next step was sending a letter to Nancy asking if she would contact the agency as I had some important information for her. 

Almost two weeks went by and I had received no word from Nancy.  The lack of response increased Dora’s anxiety. What would she do if her birthmother didn’t respond?  I was getting ready to send a second letter when Nancy called. She acknowledged she had placed a child for adoption and I proceeded to explain why I was contacting her.  Nancy was more than willing to provide a health history, but she was also cautious because her family (with the exception of her husband) did not know about this child and the subsequent adoption.

Soon, emails were sent from Dora to Nancy and vice versa with the agency acting as the intermediary.  As they became more acquainted, personal information was shared including pictures.  Dora and Nancy seemed ready to take the next step – a telephone call. Both women were a bundle of nerves and worried that they wouldn’t be liked, they would say something to offend the other, or generally be a disappointment to the other.  

I was honored to be the facilitator of the meeting and intrigued by the similarity of these two women. They are virtually strangers to each other but were so much alike it was uncanny. Their voices, hobbies, love of reading, family values, favorite foods, their husband’s attributes, and the way they described themselves were exactly the same. The whole experience really made me ponder the whole nature versus nurture debate.  

The women mutually agreed to stay in touch by email, and to arrange for a meeting in the near future in a neutral location that would include their spouses. I walked away from that meeting and this experience with a sense of fulfillment and accomplishment.  While my part in bringing these women together was small, their willingness to let me be a part of their journey was indescribable.   I look forward to reuniting many more families in the future. I wish them well on their path of discovery.

* Names and identifying details have been changed to protect the privacy of the individuals in this story.

Transforming the world . . . one adoption at a time

Mark and Krista Ball had four beautiful children when they approached Catholic Social Service to inquire about adoption in 1992. Today, four more children have entered their family through adoption, and they have been instrumental in finding four more families in their church to adopt nine children from an orphanage in Ethiopia. "Basically," Mark explains, "we are out to give hope to kids who have no hope unless somebody else adopts them . . . You could send anybody our way to talk about how to get from here to there, or Catholic Social Service would have ideas too." Click here to read Mark and Krista's inspiring story.

GREAT NEWS Regarding Adoption Expense Refunds

Many couples who want to adopt children wonder how they could possibly afford to pay the expenses related to adoption. If this describes your situation, read on!

Recent health care reform legislation has expanded and enhanced the Adoption Tax Credit by increasing the related credit from $12,150 to $13,170 per eligible child. The Adoption Tax Credit has also been extended through 2011.  Finally, the Adoption Tax Credit is now refundable.

Thanks in part to health care reform, adoptive parents can now get a refund for reasonable expenses related to an adoption.  This is exciting news, because in prior years, the credit was non-refundable and based on actual tax liability.  Now, even if a family owes no taxes, they can still receive a refund at tax time based on actual adoption expenses paid per eligible child.

Taxpayers who adopt a special needs child can claim the full amount of the adoption credit without regard to the actual expenses paid in the year the adoption becomes final.

To apply for the adoption tax credit, click here for Form 8839.  Please note that this version of the form is for Tax Year 2009 is still useful if you plan to amend your 2009 tax return.  Information for the tax year 2010 will be updated as soon as it is available from the Internal Revenue Service. Click here for the IRS Adoption Tax Credit information bulletin.

For more information about eligible expenses and income guidelines for this tax credit, families are encouraged to contact their personal tax advisor.

When Children Ask Questions about Adoption

Several years ago, a couple from Guatamala approached our agency about creating an adoption plan for their child. Afterwards, they went their separate ways; she returned to Guatamala, and he moved to Texas. Every once in awhile, the birthfather calls us to check on the child, and to get pictures, exchange letters, and so on.

Our son has begun to understand what being adopted means and he has been asking a lot of tough questions. This past week he asked to see the pictures of his birth parents at the hospital holding him, and he has made us repeat his adoption story to him numerous times. Sometimes he tells people about his birth parents and he embellishes the holes in the information with his own romantic ideas about them. We have been feeling guilty that we don't have more to give or tell him about his birth parents.

It is heartbreaking when your child says they miss and love these people that gave them life, yet he has not seen them since he was 24 hours old. At times he misses them so much that he cries and all we can do is hug him. However, it is comforting to know that our stories have reassured him that they love him and that his adoption was an act of love. 

To my friends that are not familiar with adoption. It is not hurtful to us that he misses his birth parents. We are happy that our son has the capacity to love so many people so deeply. If it were not for them, our family would not exist. If it were not for them, we would have missed out on all the joy that this little boy has brought into our life. His love for them does not diminish his love for us in any way.

So, after not hearing from them for 3 years, it is almost like they sensed that he needed them. The agency contacted us today and said that his birth father called in to check on him. He also said he would love to receive some pictures of him. He gave us his new address in Texas, as well as his birth mother's address in Guatemala. I can't wait to pick him up from school and to tell him, and show him on a map where they are living now. This is really going to make him so very happy!

I am sure this weekend he will be helping me to make a scrapbook of pictures to send to them.

Just no words big enough to explain . . . Open Adoption

Tim and Tracy Koop Share Their Story of Open Adoption

Tim and Tracy Koop Share Their Story of Open Adoption

For many couples, the idea of ever conceiving a baby becomes stressful and sorrowful when they are not able to. Some do not know or realize that there are other options for them. One of those options is Open Adoption.

Now, what is an open adoption? Well open adoption allows the adoptive parents and the adopted child to interact directly with the birth parents. The family members agree on a level of communication that they are both comfortable with. The communication may include letters, e-mails, telephone conversations, or visits. The frequency of contact is agreed upon and it can range from every few years to several times a month or more. The level of contact often changes as the child grows up and asks more questions about his/her adoption. The level of contact may change due to the needs of the family.

The goals of an open adoption are to minimize the child’s loss of relationships. Open adoption strives to maintain and celebrate the adopted child’s connections with all of the important people in his/her life.

Tim and Tracy Koop will have been married 17 years on May 5, 2011 and have been trying to have a family for about 10 to 12 years. They have not been successful on their own. The Koops felt that God was leading them towards the option of adoption instead of to in vitro fertilization.

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Financial Assistance for Couples Who Want to Adopt a Child

Want to adopt a child but don't know how to pay for adoption fees? Then check out this list of financial assistance for couples who want to adopt a child.

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Matt and Erin: Waiting to Adopt

"We Have So Much More Love to Give"

Matt and I began dating at the age of 15. We were married on September 6, 2003. Because we were high school sweethearts, we have literally grown up together.

Green has been a part of Matt's employment since he graduated from Garden City Community College Technical Program. He worked for John Deere as a technician for twelve years before starting at his job at Kansas City Power and Light. He works as a Technician on the windmills that provide electricity using wind energy. Green Energy has gone from just a word to being a big part of our lives.

I have worked in a Government Agency for 14 years. This tenure has given me seniority which allows for a flexible schedule. I am able to attend school functions and be a bigger part of my families’ life. I also used this scheduling to help my grandma when she was in the rest home and needed an advocate.

We purchased our country home in 2003. We have worked as a family to remodel our home room by room. We have two floors complete. Our next project is to remodel the basement to make a play room, a second family room, and an extra guest room.

We are very close to both our families. We look forward to spending time with them. Our house is often bustling with children playing, or having sleepovers with our girls. Children, whether it is cousins or friends, are always welcome in our home. We encourage our girls to try new things. Kristen is participating in gymnastics this summer. Both girls are also taking swimming lessons, in the summer reading program, and are participating in the Summer children's Program at the Park. Our family loves to do things together. It is great to be able to watch the girls learn and grow. Some of our family hobbies we enjoy doing as a family are riding four-wheelers, taking the camper and the boat to the lake for the weekend, playing games, attending family functions, and in the winter we like to take a couple of weekends and go to a motel, so the girls can swim and find indoor fun.

In addition to our jobs, we operate a small farm and a cattle operation. The girls have already started building their own cattle herd. Each year when their cow’s calf is sold, the profits go into their savings account to help them later in life. They are very excited to be a part of watching the baby calves grow, and then in the fall getting to see their bank accounts grow too. In our opinion, having good times and making memories with our children is the key to building a great and strong family relationship. We want an honest and open relationship with our children. We feel that the more we do as a family together builds the foundation for an open line of communication. We want our children to be confident we will support them through the tough times as well as the good times.

Matt and I have been blessed with two beautiful girls. Due to health issues, we are unable to have additional children. We want nothing more in this world than to complete our family through open adoption. We are great parents to our daughters, but we feel we have so much more love to give.

The Legacy of an Adopted Child

Once there were two women
Who never knew each other
One you do not remember
The other you call mother

Two different lives shaped to make your one
One became your guiding star
The other became your sun

The first gave you life
And the second taught you to live in
The first gave you a need for love
And the second was there to give it

One gave you a nationality
The other gave you a name
One gave you the seed of talent
The other gave you an aim

One gave you emotions
The other calmed your fears
One saw your first sweet smile
The other dried your tears

One created an adoption plan---
it was all that she could do
The other prayed for a child
And God led her straight to you.

And now you ask me through your tears,
The age old questions through the years;
Heredity or Environment---
which are you the product of:

Neither my darling---neither
Just two different kinds of love

Anonymous

Search & Reunion . . . Questions to Consider

Through the years, most adoptees and birthparents have wondered at different times what it would be like to be reunited with those with whom they have been separated through adoption.  Often birthparents have difficulty imagining their “baby” as an adult.  They hope that he/she has had a good life and hope their “child” will understand why they made the decision that they did at that time in their life.  On the other side of the coin, adoptees often fantasize about their birthparents wondering what they look like, and even placing their birthparents on a pedestal.

My challenge to all of you who are considering a search or reunion is to move slowly.  Keep in mind that all things happen in God's time.  Sometimes the person who has been “found” needs time to process how it will affect their lives.  Have they told those that are currently in their life about the most difficult decision they made many years ago?  These are all things to consider.  Trust that the process is working as it is intended.  I would propose to you who are considering a search or reunion to begin with a journal.

In the next several weeks I will be posting a series entitled: Questions to Contemplate:  Are You Ready to Move Toward Reunion? Begin your journal with some basic questions about what you expect and what you need to do to prepare.

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Tax Credits When Adopting a Child

Myths About Open Adoption

How scary is that!...the myths of open adoption revealed

This post is to test your knowledge on adoption.  Feel free to print this and quiz your family, friends, and co-workers.  This is a fun way to see how much you and they know.  Can you find the myths?

True or False

1. Adoptive parents in open adoption often feel out of control and lack a sense of attachment and relationship with their child.
2. Adoptive parents and birth parents in open adoptions are constantly confused about their parental rights. It's difficult to tell where one parent stops and the other begins.
3. Children in open adoptions are completely confused about who their parents really are. They do not understand the roles of their birth and adoptive parents.
4. The adolescent's adoptive identity and degree of preoccupation with adoption are related to the level of openness in the adoption. The more open the adoption, the greater the lack of identity for the adopted teen.
5. Birth mothers in open adoptions struggle with grief resolution. Spending time with their placed child is painful and recalls the past grief. Open adoptions delay healing.
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A Sibling for Lauren

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"Our adoption journey began after trying to conceive for about 3 years and then being told that we would not be able to have children," Matt and Karrie write.  "We didn't quite know how to take the news and we thought our dreams of having children were forever gone.  We later decided to look into adoption, but even then, it seemed as though the process was never ending and quite invasive. Shortly after completing adoption paper work with Catholic Social Service, we were introduced to a birthmother and our amazing journey began.

"In August, 2009, we became parents to a beautiful little girl named Lauren Cadence.  The love we have for her is indescribable!  Not only do we have a wonderful little girl, but she has an amazing story that we share with everyone.  We live in the same town as her birthmother and we have several visits during the year.

"We are extremely fortunate to already be parents and we are currently hoping to adopt a second child.  We both grew up with siblings and we know the special bond that siblings have with one another. We want Lauren to have someone that she can talk to as she gets older, and can relate to in the sense of knowing someone else that is adopted.  Our children will know from a very young age that they are adopted, and what adoption means.  We will always answer their questions with honesty and make sure they understand the sacrifices that were made for them.

"As parents, we want our children to grow up knowing that they are loved.  We will be supportive in all that they do.  We will raise them with positive moral values and a sense of respect for others.  We want them to have a good work ethic and appreciate and not expect things that they are given."

For more information about the adoption services program at Catholic Social Service, click here.

To read more about some of our other families who are waiting to adopt, please click here.

A Letter to Our Future Child

To our Child:

I don't know where you are, or when you will arrive in our life. What I do know is that we already love you so much! You are in our thoughts and prayers every moment, and We cannot wait until the day we get to hold you, kiss you, and tell you how much we love you and how much we prayed and hoped for you for so long. Until that day, know that we will be thinking of you often, and loving you more with every breath.

Love, Daddy and Mommy

That letter was written by Bradley and Deidre who met in a lounge on their college campus . . . 

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How to Create the Reality of Adoption with Words

Hang out at a staff meeting in our office and it won't be long before you hear particular attention or reference made to the words that are used to describe, or rather create the reality of adoption. I like hearing the thoughtfulness and the attentiveness expressed by our social workers when they talk about adoption; it speaks well of them.

I understand both sides of the issue when it comes to trying to be thoughtful about the words we choose to use. I've experienced how tiresome it can be to haggle over words, and I've been in conversations with others about topics in which I thought the choice of words mattered and they did not. It DOES take a certain amount of discipline. The end result, however, says volumes--in between the lines--about our own world views, attitudes, and charity (or uncharitableness) of heart.

Here are a few examples that I have come across when it comes to creating the reality of adoption; can you think of others? If so, let us know and we'll add them to the list!

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Marketing Strategies to Promote Your Open Adoption

At Catholic Social Service, the open adoption process is the start of a life-long relationship between birth parents, adoptive parents and a child. Starting with the initial inquiry, through the adoptive process, and for many years thereafter, we are committed to providing couples, birth parents, families, and adoptees with expertise, experience, honest answers and the best support possible throughout your adoptive experience.

One of the ways we provide support for couples who wish to adopt is by helping them to promote themselves and their interest in adopting a child. For example, the couples we have approved for adoption can create a ParentFinder profile to share a little bit about their home, relationships, families, work and what is important to them. If you are in the process of setting up a ParentFinder profile, and/or promoting your interest in adoption, take a look at the following slideshow of marketing tips and strategies.

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Myth Busting in Adoption with Catholic Social Service

I have been involved with adoption for over 20 years and there seems to be some myths that we just can't move past.  As a matter of fact, the children my husband and I adopted as infants are now 25 and 21.  We were asking the same questions.

As we are planning for a new series of adoption workshops for prospective adoptive families I thought I might share a few.

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