I know there have been stories like mine and women who have been where I’ve been. I haven't met many birth mothers, but . . . we don't exactly wear a label on our shirts do we? I was the age of 19 when I found out I was pregnant.
I remember I was scheduled to have my first college freshman final that morning, but instead I took a different kind of test. My knees hit the floor, I became numb and tears rolled down my cheeks from mixed emotions. My parents were shocked when I was finally able to share my news. It took a while to adjust to how my life was going to change. I was going to HAVE A BABY. A BABY! How could I have a baby when I felt like I was just a child myself?! I lost my faith for a while I won't deny that. Depression set in, I stopped eating like I should and I cried myself to sleep night after night. Then one night as I lay in bed I began to pray. I hadn't prayed in months, but I slept more soundly that night.
My family and I prayed over an option that seemed so very unclear but right all at the same time. Adoption. I ultimately didn't go through an adoption agency. However, I did look at many different couples at some agencies, but I just couldn't find the right fit. My uncle knew of a couple trying to get pregnant but because of infertility problems they were unable to conceive. At the time as I was pouring over couples they were fostering 3 children. As they were preparing to adopt, the children’s biological family regained custody. This couple was crushed and heart broken. They decided to get away for a weekend to regroup and figure out what was to come next. As they prayed at church they asked God to open a door because they were so very ready to give up. The afternoon they were headed back home they received a phone call from my uncle telling them that I had a baby for them and that I wanted to meet them. The moment I met them it was like meeting long lost family. We clicked and I knew they were meant to be baby C's parents.
When I decided to place my birth son, the last thing I did was give up. I chose adoption in the middle of my pregnancy because I knew he needed a mom AND a dad. He needed a good Christian home to grow up in. He needed so much more than I could ever give him. Don't get me wrong; I was terrified of this decision because I knew it meant living without my son. It meant placing him before myself.
I knew that if I didn't make this decision, my life wouldn't be the same. I’m not saying that it would be terrible, but just different. I may not have met my sweet husband. I may not have the faith I have today, nor would I be able to write about being a birth mother. I wouldn't know the two most amazing people that I get to call my birth son's parents. Not making the decision to place would mean I couldn't spoil him like I get to by being his birth mother - that's my favorite part!
The day I placed my birth son into the arms of his parents was the day I became a birth mom. The day I placed my birth son was the day his parents became a mommy and daddy. You share your title as mother with another woman along with a bond no one else understands. I knew that placing meant being in the presence of true love. Placing means taking an unplanned situation and turning it into a gift for everyone.
I placed my birth son. That never meant he was unloved or unwanted. He was prayed for before he was born by so many people. Our amazing God turned a mess into a message. Before they left with him, his mom and I shared an embrace that is almost impossible to describe. It was a bonding of two women who became moms in very different ways and were joined together by a very BIG love, and tiny little boy.
We will forever be linked in a unique and unforgettable way. I love her for the way she loves my birth son, and she loves me for the irreplaceable gift I gave her and her husband. To this day when she and I hug it is a hug built on love, trust and motherhood. It is a way of silently thanking each other and praising God for what He was done for us.
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